As I get out of my gym, my brain slower than your average bureaucrat, the press release about Indo-Pakistan comes back to me. Like a homing pigeon. Pakistan, earlier in the day had decided to play chicken with India – again. This time they tried drones, maybe a jet or two and some half-assed border stunt. India, like some guy tired of his neighbour’s dog crapping on his lawn daily, lit up the sky with Russian S400 shields. And whoosh! Whatever Pakistan sent vaporised.
Now I don’t have access to the Defence Ministry, but the grapevine says whatever it is that Pakistan dispatched has turned into scrap, waiting to be recovered from crash sites.
Putin’s Poker Face
Who is grinning all the way? Vlad the Chad. The guy who brings chess moves to the West’s checker games.
Since I mention him, why not check on him once? You can call him a thug, you can hate him, but the straight take is that he has been trolling DC and Brussels without breaking a sweat. Sold them S400s to India back in 2018. The West had squealed alright. Don’t buy Russian, they said. Don’t bring the thug to your business table. New Delhi smiled and waved at them. And bought any way.
Good call.
This I realize today as I wipe sweat off my face; Putin did not just sling his hardware back in ’18, he was building trust. And it was the S400s today that whispered: “I got you buddy”. Could have well been Vlad himself calling up Modi and saying, “Let’s make some noise buddy!” You bet he is smiling at the headlines sipping vodka or whatever the hell he sips when he’s amused.
Russians Don’t Do DEI
Now, Russian engineering — don’t get me started. It is ugly. No i-Phone finish for all you gadget-obsessed guys. Remember our old Hind Motors’ Ambassador – that dreadful piece of tank-on-four-wheels? Back then when they built stuff to outlast your grandkids? The S400 is like that – an ugly-ass monster with catapults that sling missiles a few hundred kilometers without batting an eyelid. Spotting a stealth, the S400 laughs like it is a bad joke. Almaz Antey, the chaps that built these things don’t do diversity hires, don’t populate the red circle in Ted Talks… they probably don’t smile either. Doesn’t matter. In hindsight, these are time wasters, so they imagine, they weld, they test, and then they deliver. Pakistani jets? A problem. Make them disappear. Results, baby. That’s all that matters.
The Indo-Russian “Thing”
Well, what about the Indo-Russian tango? These two go back like a bottle of cheap whiskey and the lousy decision that you take afterwards. Inseparable. Back then when we were kids, and Uncle Sam was busy flirting with that squint-eyed zombie Zia Ul Haq, USSR was shipping tanks and guns to us. Not saying that it has been a smooth sail all the way. Especially with India window-shopping along the fancy mazes of the Pentagon at times, or China sending love notes to the Kremlin these days. But when the shooting begins, these two are like you and your cheap whiskey – buddies who know the score.
So? This S400 blockbuster is not just about India’s defence wall, it is a banner that screams “Moscow’s in the game!” Players keeping an eye on Russian gear might begin surprising the global defence market, India included. Pakistan has an itch; we need a decent guard against skin diseases. Best go to a shop that has been there done that and relished every moment of it.
Don’t get me wrong. Maybe I am a little lightheaded – all that workout and all – but I know that this is not some Jackie Chan action-comedy flick. Putin is not New Delhi’s sugar-dad; he’s a player who understands a good bet when he sees one. New Delhi is fast becoming one too; it samples American or French wares every now and then when needed. But I believe they both understand that S400 has proven to be a game-changer – a reminder of the fact that Russia might still have a lot of what it takes to get New Delhi relook into the game that is on since last century. Fact of the matter? India is too big, too promising, and too stubborn to be anyone’s tugboat.
Dasvidaniya Doston…
So here’s to Vlad the Chad, the old fox who – at 80 or 90, I don’t know – still outfoxes the so-called foxes in the hood as they are busy playing propaganda games or cancel games or whatever games they play these days on social media. And here’s to New Delhi for shoving it up Pakistan’s. I hope Rawalpindi realises that there could be more fireworks on the horizon should they get itchy again. Me? I am gonna sit right here and wonder about the last time when we had such a wonderful weather in the month of May. Cheers!
