Buckle up, guys! It is 2025, and Pakistan and Ukraine skies are raining F-16s like drunks piling on top of each other in a local hooch den somewhere in subcontinental hinterland. The internet’s ablaze with yarns of dogfights, missile volleys, and pilots who maybe thought “eject” was the espresso button.
Are these jets overhyped relics? Has Uncle Sam been exporting shiny junk? Are the pilots dumber than a doorbell? Or is their command centres run by jokers who’d lose a tic-tac-toe game against themselves? Let’s navigate this swamp with your weekend beer and a sneer for the Pentagon’s “finest”.
Where all are the F-16s getting swatted?
For this month’s chronology, it is Pakistan, where the beef bhuna is hot and the lies are hotter. After they orchestrated Pahalgam terror attacks, New Delhi unleashed “Operation Sindoor” on them. During that course, India claimed that we swatted a Pakistani F-16 and two JF-17s like gnats at a pig roast. Pakistan’s Minister Attaullah Tarar, in response channelled his inner-Pinocchio (that lying kid), and casually called it “absurd” nonsense. To India’s bagging three Paki jets, the official claim from Islamabad – much like Donald Trump’s reciprocal tariffs – went up to downing five Indian Rafales.
Now you know we usually take Pakistani claims with a dash of salt. But that is not the story. This first hint about an F-16 crash was sure to get Uncle madder than a wet cat. Those jets are sold with “no India fights” clause somewhere in that rule book that is apparently thicker than Tolsty’s War and Peace. There was the probability of the CIA landing, to sniff around Rawalpindi, or the Pentagon contemplating on a few spare parts cut off from the Pakistani supply line… but the real uneasiness of Uncle Sam was the chance of an anticipated dent in the reputation of its fabled F-16.
And then, thunder struck the same brand. Second time in the same month.
Ukraine, which has been in a war with Russia since some time now, claimed the honour immediately after Pakistan. On May 12 a Ukrainian F-16 crashed. This was their third(!) one by the way. In this particular case, the pilot apparently bailed out like there was a vodka party somewhere close and he was getting late for it. Was it a Russian S-400, a screwed-up engine, or just a drunk pilot? Nobody knows. In 2024, the West, led by Uncle Sam’s “we want war” squad, gifted Ukraine a large number of dusty F-16s from Denmark and Holland. The lights have been going out on them regularly ever since. Seems like a bad Ketu on Uncle’s reputation (and no, by Ketu I do not mean Donald Trump).
Overhyped Fighters or Cheap “Exports”?
Begs the question: Are F-16s overhyped?
In the ’80s, they were the undisputed prom kings of the sky — nimble, mean, and sleek; ready to take on any challenge. Today, they look more like your youngest uncle in bell-bottoms trying to do the Mithun-da dance. India’s Barak-8 and S-400 missiles can probably snipe a fly’s balls. Russia’s S-400s and Su-35s have already turned Ukraine’s airspace into a kid’s shooting gallery. The F-16’s still got tricks, but without AWACS, jammers, and a rabbit’s foot, it’s a sitting duck. Not overhyped, just outdated. Just like Uncle’s promises of “freedom” with every arms deal.
So, is Uncle Sam exporting the Wal-Mart version?
Looks like. Pakistan’s got Block 15 and 52 models. Ukraine’s stuck with Block 20s. These are not the F-16Vs with hi-end radars, avionics, and other systems. The Pentagon, ever the generous loan shark, strips out many of the hotshot stuffs to keep its tech secrets safe. Pakistan’s jets are undoubtedly good; they can fire AMRAAMs and all, but they’re not top-drawer models. Ukraine’s are basically flying antiques, patched with Macron’s and Ursula’s NATO dreams. While they are still a competitor to an average MiG, they are more of the Yankee version of “NATO membership for you”. And these pilots get crash courses where they learn to juggle flaming torches while riding a rusty unicycle. For Pakistan, its Bholari base got its rear-end handed out by Indian missiles, and Ukraine’s been a joke all along. Not much help from that quarter either.
The possible impact
Uncle’s F-16 could have been damn good photo-op for the global arms market, but insignificant to dent Russia’s or India’s war machine. It is 2025 dude; the wars have gotten meaner than your average junkyard dog gang. Result? F-16s are getting shot down across different ends of the Asian landscape.
The world sniggers; and Pentagon’s hopping all angry and stuff. Gods of the sky getting rogered on weekdays. What would that mean for the US arms hustle — 43% of the global market? Would DC hubris after meeting with a backhand from reality climb down a couple of notches? Would they keep selling the same dog-eared, marked cards in a poker competition, while preaching fair play? You all keep a watch. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to see if my neighbour’s old jeep can outrun a drone.
