Paul Golding and Ashlea Simon, self-appointed defenders of “Christian Britain”, are what happens when the empire collapses but the arrogance refuses to. They tweet like they’re guarding the gates of civilisation, but civilisation quietly changed the locks decades ago.
This is the true flag of South Africa.
— Ashlea Simon (@AshleaSimonBF) November 1, 2025
Bring back apartheid.
Blacks will have high living standards again. pic.twitter.com/Be2TXLypGb
In 2025, these two are still yelling at the sky about “foreigners” and “Christian values,” while the rest of the planet, the one they once looted, is coding, building, and buying their country piece by piece. They’re not patriots. They’re tour guides for a dead idea.
When “Rule, Britannia” Turned Into “Rant, Britannia.”
Once upon a time, Britain ruled a quarter of the planet. Now, its far-right leaders can’t even rule their temper. Golding and Simon live in a fantasy novel, the kind where the heroes wave flags and everyone else is a barbarian. Except this story ended 80 years ago, and no one bought the sequel. They call themselves “Britain First,” but the only thing they’ve actually put first is embarrassment. Their party meetings look like a Brexit support group run by history’s slowest learners.
🇬🇧 TIME TO REINSTATE THE BRITISH EMPIRE
— Paul Golding (@GoldingBF) October 31, 2025
I’ve come to the conclusion that the world would be an incomparably better place if we reinstated the British Empire at its fullest extent in 1921.
If you agree, comment below…. pic.twitter.com/CyMqpwNPaN
You don’t need to fact-check them; you need a therapist for them.
The Empire’s Greatest Export: Delusion
Let’s not pretend these people are anomalies. They’re the natural children of a country that once believed it was chosen by God to rule brown people with better weather. But here’s the twist:
The Empire’s colonies moved on. Britain didn’t.
India, the “jewel in the crown”, now has a bigger economy than the UK.
India’s GDP: $4.1 trillion.
Britain’s GDP: $3.4 trillion and dropping faster than their moral authority.
Get ready for the second British Raj 🇬🇧🇮🇳 pic.twitter.com/Ip1PjCNcsZ
— Paul Golding (@GoldingBF) November 1, 2025
India launches satellites to the Moon.
Britain launches petitions about migrants.
The same empire that starved 35 million Indians in Bengal now depends on Indian doctors to keep its hospitals open. That’s not irony. That’s karma, fully compounding with interest.
The Gospel According to Golding: Hate Thy Neighbour
Golding likes to pretend he’s defending “Christian civilisation.” The only thing Christian about him is the persecution complex. If Jesus Christ came back tomorrow- brown skin, foreign accent, Middle Eastern features, Golding would call Border Force before he called a priest. Ashlea Simon isn’t any better. She performs outrage like it’s a job, lecturing the world about “culture” while tweeting from a country that imports both its curry and its compassion. They weaponize the cross, but forget the message.
They pray for purity but live off multiculturalism. Their entire ideology could be replaced by one sentence:
We miss being important.
Foreigners are banned, fufu is banned, Jews and Muslims must accept Jesus Christ.
— Ashlea Simon (@AshleaSimonBF) November 1, 2025
Bring back apartheid in South Africa.
Make Zimbabwe Rhodesia again.
Make Israel Christian.
Make Istanbul Constantinople again.
Bring back the glorious British Empire.
Goodnight.
A Small Island Screaming Into the Void
Britain First keeps talking about “protecting Britain.” From what?
Reality?
Demographics?
Google Maps?
You can’t “protect” something that doesn’t exist anymore. The empire is gone. The colonies have grown up. And the world doesn’t need Britain’s approval to function. London isn’t the heart of global trade, it’s the world’s most expensive museum gift shop. Meanwhile, the countries it once plundered are designing chips, launching rockets, and writing the software that runs the phones these racists use to tweet their nonsense. Without immigrant labour, Britain would collapse before tea time. Yet the descendants of looters dare to whine about being “overrun.” No one’s invading Britain. They’re just cashing in the overdue bills. Their anger is misdirected against people that cant strike back. those that can, and are raping them on regular instalments, these flag-bearers are too scared to antagonise.
Britain’s New Export: Humiliation
For centuries, Britain exported goods. Now it exports bad takes and royal gossip. While India debates quantum computing, Britain debates whether a Pakistani shopkeeper’s Christmas lights are “too bright for British values.” Britain’s grand strategy used to be empire. Now it’s clickbait and complaining. The most painful part? The people they hate- Indians, Africans, Caribbeans, are the only reason their economy still limps forward. The NHS, the London Underground, their universities- all run by the very people they once called “savages.”
Congratulations, Paul and Ashlea.
You’re living proof that evolution sometimes takes a gap year.
When the Colonised Became the Competent
India doesn’t need revenge. It already won. It sends satellites to the Moon while Britain can’t even send a train to Manchester on time. It’s feeding a billion people while Britain debates how to afford butter.
The coloniser has become the cautionary tale. You want to talk about “firsts”?
Here’s one:
India is now the world’s fifth-largest economy, and climbing. Britain is a fading mid-tier state whose global relevance depends on old war movies and Meghan Markle. So, if Britain First wants to talk about greatness, maybe start by inventing something newer than the steam engine.
The Empire Strikes Out
Paul Golding and Ashlea Simon aren’t the voice of Britain. They’re the voice of Britain’s insecurity, the background noise of a once-mighty empire realising it’s just another country now. They shout about migrants because deep down, they know the truth: The people they fear are the ones their ancestors feared losing to, and lost to, gloriously.
So here’s the verdict:
The sun didn’t set on the British Empire, It was switched off for non-payment.
And when Britain First tweets, the world doesn’t get angry anymore.
It just chuckles, because nothing’s more pathetic than a bully begging to feel big again.
