Guys, isn’t this one neat mess in “jolly old” England, where the tea has gone cold a long time ago and the headlines are colder? It seems some 21-year-old Ukrainian lad, a Roman Lavrynovych — let’s call him “Fire Boy” — decided to play part-time arsonist with the worldly goods of Sir Keir Starmer. A Toyota RAV4 that Starmer once drove got turned into a bonfire on May 8. Then, some flat he used to own got singed, and finally, the doorway of his old family home in Kentish Town took a fiery hit on May 13. Three strikes, and Fire Boy is cooling his heels in a cell, charged with arson and intent to endanger life.
Starmer, ever the knight in shining sanctimony, called it an “attack on democracy”. I have a feeling that these days he checks under his bed for Molotov cocktails. The British press, that pack of ink-stained good-for-nothings, is supposedly wrapping Starmer in cozy blanket, protecting their darling Labour PM from the scandal of a fire-happy foreigner.
Keir Starmer & “Fire Boy” Shielded By The British Press
Why?
Because the kid’s Ukrainian, and the Ukraine’s the West’s sacred cow these days, forever mooing for more and more aids, as the UK leads the pack in pretending Zelensky is a bastion of virtue. Can’t have the narrative cracking, can we? Now if this were a Russian kid playing with matchboxes, Fleet Street would be howling for blood, demanding Vladimir Putin’s head on a pike. But a Ukrainian? Oh, “hush now baby”… let’s not upset the applecart. The press is tiptoeing around this like it’s a live grenade, muttering about “mental health” and “isolated incidents” while Starmer’s sister-in-law, stuck in the charred Kentish townhouse, probably wonders why her front porch smells like a barbecue gone wrong. The Evening Standard even sugarcoats it be calling it a “mystery blaze.” Mystery, my ass — unless the mystery is why anyone still buys their rag.
Let’s get real. The British media’s not protecting Starmer because they love his shiny face or his lawyerly droning that could put a caffeinated squirrel to sleep. They’re protecting the script. Ukraine is the golden child, and nobody wants to admit that maybe, just maybe, one of their refugees has a screw loose and a lighter. Or maybe he had a thing going there somewhere, given that he had a lady-boy named Carpiuc as his co-conspirator.
Meanwhile, Starmer’s out there, dodging literal and figurative flames and pretending he’s Churchill reincarnate, as his party’s polling numbers keep tanking. Reform UK is now eating Labour’s lunch, with Starmer’s crew scrapping the plate at a pathetic 22%. Even his deputy, Angela Rayner, is leaking memos about taxing the rich instead of cutting budgets, probably because she smells the smoke and knows the ship’s sinking. Good luck selling that! Nothing says “we’re screwed” like a tax hike when the plebs are already tightening their belts.
Enter the “Russia Collusion”
And then there is the deal about the Counter Terror Police sniffing around for a “hostile state” behind this. C’mon guys! This ain’t some James Bond crap that you are after. This isn’t Kremlin stealing your precious elections, this is just a kid with a grudge and a can of petrol. What kind of grudge? The social media is rife with claims. Let us not get into that whisper zone.
Speaking of whisper zones, the slobs that have a problem with who they call “conspiracy theorists”, are busy spinning conspiracy now to keep the readers distracted while Starmer’s EU “reset” deal gets flak for selling out British fish to the EU fishermen for another 12 years. Forget about the informed ones, even the quite despicable Boris Johnson, called Starmer a “leather-trussed gimp” for it. But the Fleet Street slobs would rather fuss over Starmer’s singed doorstep looking for Putin’s passport in the debris than admit that their prized ass is bungling Brexit 2.0.
A fire extinguisher to save democracy?
The real kicker? Keir Starmer is playing the victim card like a poker pro, wailing about democracy while his government stumbles like a drunk at closing time. Labour’s been in power five minutes, and already it’s a circus of appeasements, flops, and finger-pointing. Some Ukrainian kid is probably wondering if British jails serve borscht, while the public is fed up with the government, and is probably rummaging the attic for their old pitchforks and grandma’s hoodie. The press is playing dumb, polishing Keir Starmer’s halo… but actually protecting their own rear ends from admitting that they backed the wrong horse. Again.
Maybe Starmer would want to buy that fire extinguisher the next time he wants to “save” democracy?
